By Leon Merian, SRES

For many older adults, the idea of leaving the family home is emotional and overwhelming. This is where memories were made, milestones celebrated, and life lived for decades. But when the time comes to consider transitioning – whether it’s downsizing, moving closer to family, or entering a more supportive living environment – one of the first and most important steps is having an open conversation with our adult children.
This transition isn’t just about bricks and mortar. It’s about identity, legacy, independence, and trust. If you’re an older adult thinking about making a move, or even just exploring the possibility, here are a few key steps to guide the conversation with your children and help turn a potentially difficult discussion into a meaningful, collaborative journey.

  1. Start early, before it’s urgent
    Like Mom always said…. plan, plan and plan again! The best time to have this conversation is when it’s still a choice, not a necessity. Waiting until there’s a health issue, a fall, or a crisis often puts everyone into a reactive mindset. Opening the dialogue early gives everyone time to reflect, understand priorities, and create a plan that respects your wishes and your well-being.
  2. Be direct about your goals and concerns
    Your children may not know how you’re truly feeling about the house. Maybe the stairs are becoming harder to manage. Maybe the yard work is no longer enjoyable. Or maybe you just want a fresh start in a simpler space. Share your goals and your worries. When you’re honest, you’re more likely to receive support rather than resistance.
  3. Reassure them: This is your decision
    One of the most powerful things you can do is reassure your children that you’re not being pushed – you’re planning. Many adult children feel guilt or anxiety when their parents move, worrying that they didn’t do enough to support them staying in the home. Let them know you’re in control of the decision and that this is about making life easier, not giving up independence.
  4. Involve them, but set boundaries
    Adult children can be wonderful sources of help – emotionally, logistically, and even financially. Invite their ideas, ask for their help where appropriate, and let them feel part of the process. But it’s also OK to set clear boundaries if the conversation starts to feel like it’s no longer about your wishes.
  5. Bring in professionals to support the plan
    This process involves more than just emotions; it includes finances, legal considerations, real estate, healthcare, and logistics. Enlist trusted professionals who understand the unique needs of older adults:
    • Senior-focused real estate agents (like me, an SRES)
    • Elder law attorneys
    • Financial planners
    • Downsizing or move managers
    • Geriatric care managers
    Bringing in experienced professionals can remove pressure from your family and ensure that each step is handled with care and clarity.
    Time for coffee!
    Your adult children want what’s best for you, but they also want to know how to help without overstepping. The first step is simply talking. These conversations can lead to stronger relationships, better plans, and more peaceful transitions.
    And remember: You’re not losing a home, you’re gaining a lifestyle that fits your next chapter.
    If you or your family are thinking about making a move, I’d be honored to offer guidance over a cup of coffee – no pressure, just conversation. Let’s meet for a coffee to figure out your real estate goals for tomorrow or ten years from now.
    Happy spring!