Grudges or gratitude – You get to choose which feeling will dominate your thoughts
By Steven V. Dubin
Ever feel slighted? Dismissed? Ignored? Taken advantage of?
Here are some quick examples: Hey, that guy always runs up the tab with expensive drinks and the priciest entree, then splits the bill with a smile. She never waved to me as I left the neighborhood. He looked over my shoulder at someone he’d rather be talking with.
Aging is a little like becoming the mayor of your own eccentric village. You know which roads are worth traveling, which potholes to avoid, and – most importantly – which arguments are simply not worth the gas.
Here are a few whimsical suggestions for the journey:
Don’t carry grudges; they’re terrible luggage. They’re heavy, awkward, and somehow always end up on the baggage carousel when you least expect them. Travel lighter.
Let your face tell the truth. Laugh lines are not wrinkles; they’re the fine print of a life well laughed. Wear them proudly. They’re evidence that you’ve been paying attention.
Stop auditioning for people who aren’t casting. Not everyone will understand you, approve of you, or appreciate your particular brand of wonderful. That’s all right. You don’t need to be everyone’s favorite.
Forgiveness doesn’t require amnesia. You can forgive someone and still remember not to hand them the keys to your house – or your heart – again. Wisdom has boundaries.
Retire from imaginary arguments. If you find yourself delivering a devastating comeback three days after the conversation ended, congratulations: you’ve won a debate nobody else attended.
Give people room to be imperfect. You have undoubtedly provided your own share of material over the years. Humanity is a group project, and the quality control is questionable.
Choose peace over being right – sometimes. There are hills worth dying on, but many are merely decorative little mounds of stubbornness. Save your energy for the important battles.
Keep a little mischief. Dance badly. Learn something ridiculous. Growing older should not mean becoming the sort of person who disapproves of bubbles.
Notice what remains. Friends who stayed. Trees that still bloom. Music that still makes you grin. The smell of coffee in the morning. Gratitude is an excellent pair of spectacles: it helps ordinary things sparkle.
Remember that letting go is not losing. Sometimes you release a grudge not because the other person deserves peace, but because you deserve it. Your heart has better things to store than old invoices for emotional damages.
And perhaps the grandest wisdom of all: You don’t have to attend every argument you’re invited to.
As the years accumulate, may you become increasingly selective about what gets your attention, your energy, and your blood pressure.
Keep the memories that make you smile. Keep the lessons that make you wiser. Release the resentments that make your shoulders tense.
And whenever possible, laugh.
It’s cheaper than therapy, improves the scenery, and makes wrinkles look positively intentional.
I’d love to hear your aging adventures and insights as well. Please email me at SDubin@PRWorkZone.com.
About the Author: Steven V. Dubin is the founder of PR Works, a lightly used public relations firm based in Plymouth, which helps small to mid-sized nonprofit organizations and for-profit companies navigate the overwhelming options of advertising. Steve lives in Plymouth with his wife, Wendy. He is a contributing author to “Get Slightly Famous” and “Tricks of the Trade,” the complete guide to succeeding in the advice business. He recently authored “PR 101,” an E-book.
