Friends? The importance of maintaining the connection
By Steven V. Dubin
As I was laughing louder than appropriate in a quiet restaurant, I realized my two friends Mike and Mike didn’t care. They were happy to be laughed with, laughed at.
That is the power of friendship. I’m told my therapist friend, Doctor Bob, another long-term lunch companion, loneliness, especially among older men, is an epidemic. Men don’t tend to keep in touch, maintain bonds.
At a certain age, a man’s friendships can begin to resemble a sock drawer. Some socks are single, some are tattered, some make you smile.
Long-term friendship for male senior citizens is not only a comfort – it’s a secret ingredient for living well, laughing often, and keeping life from shrinking into a quiet armchair in the corner.
The trick is remembering that friendship, like a good lawn, needs a bit of regular tending. You can’t just plant it in 1978, my college graduation year, and assume it will still be thriving half a century later. Life happens. People move. Knees creak. Schedules change.
So, the first rule of senior friendship is simple: show up. Show up for coffee, for a walk around the block, for the Tuesday lunch at a bad Chinese restaurant. Consistency turns casual companionship into something durable.
Then there is the underrated art of doing things together. Men, in particular, bond through shared activities. It might be a weekly card game, a fishing trip that never quite produces fish, or a standing date to watch the Red Sox while arguing about whether the bullpen is cursed. These rituals become the scaffolding of friendship. You don’t even have to talk much; just being in the same place, doing the same familiar thing, creates a sense of belonging that’s as warm as a well-worn flannel shirt.
Of course, real friendship also means being willing to talk when it matters. Many men grew up in a time when feelings were treated like loose change – best kept in your pocket and not rattled in public. But long-term friendship benefits from a little emotional courage. Sharing worries about health, family, or the strange fact that you can only play pickleball every other day, at best. You don’t have to become honest.
Another key is welcoming new people into the mix. Old friends are treasures, but new friends bring fresh stories, new jokes, and sometimes better restaurant recommendations. Joining a senior center, a walking group, a hobby club, or even a volunteer organization creates opportunities to expand your circle. Think of it as adding new spices to a stew that’s already pretty good.
Humor, naturally, is the glue that holds it all together. Laughing about aching backs, forgotten names, or the mystery of where you put the remote keeps things light and joyful. A shared laugh can bridge any awkward moment and remind everyone that growing older doesn’t mean growing dull.
In the end, maintaining long-term friendship as a male senior citizen isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about phone calls, coffee cups, shared jokes, and the simple act of caring enough to keep in touch. Like that sock drawer, it may never be perfectly organized, but when you reach in and find something warm and familiar, you’ll be glad you kept it all these years.
How about you? How do you keep your friendships alive? What do you do with your buddies?
I look forward to hearing from you! Please email me at SDubin@PRWorkZone.com.
Steven V. Dubin is the founder of PR Works, a lightly used Public Relations firm based in Plymouth, MA, which helps small to mid-sized nonprofit organizations and for-profit companies navigate the overwhelming options of advertising. Steve lives in Plymouth with his wife, Wendy. He is a contributing author to “Get Slightly Famous” and “Tricks of the Trade,” the complete guide to succeeding in the advice business. He recently authored “PR 101,” an E-book.
