By Steven V. Dubin
Careful what you ask for.
I was sitting down with my old friend Will when our conversation took an early turn.
There comes a certain age when a casual “How are you?” can trigger a full organ recital.
“Oh, I’m fine,” he begins, before launching into a detailed update on his left knee (temperamental), his right shoulder (rebellious), and a lower back that now predicts the weather more accurately than any app. Five minutes later, I’m wondering if there’s a polite way to fake a small emergency.
It’s not that physical ailments aren’t real – they most certainly are. Bodies, after all, are like used cars: they start making noises, require more maintenance, and occasionally refuse to start for no clear reason. But when every conversation turns into a medical symposium, something important gets lost: connection, curiosity, and, frankly, fun.
So how can a seasoned gentleman keep his conversations lively without defaulting to a rundown of his latest aches and pains? Here are a few whimsical (but practical) tips.
1. Institute the ‘two-sentence rule’
You’re allowed to mention a physical complaint – but only in two sentences. This forces brevity and prevents you from wandering into a detailed analysis of cartilage deterioration.
Example:
“My knee’s been acting up this week, but I’m managing. Anyway, have you seen that new documentary everyone’s talking about?”
Boom. You’ve acknowledged reality and pivoted. You’re not suppressing the truth – you’re just not turning it into a TED Talk.
2. Replace symptoms with stories
Here’s a secret: people don’t actually dislike hearing about your life. They just prefer it with a plot.
Instead of:
“My back hurts when I stand too long.”
Try:
“I tried to assemble a grill last weekend and learned two things: I’m not as flexible as I used to be, and the instruction manual was written by a comedian.”
Same information, but now it’s a story. Stories invite laughter, empathy, and engagement. Symptoms invite… polite nodding.
3. Develop a ‘conversation menu’
Before heading into social situations, stock your mental shelves with a few go-to topics that have nothing to do with your physical condition. Think of it like carrying conversational snacks.
Good options include:
• A recent movie, show, or book
• A bizarre news story
• A hobby or project you’re tinkering with
• A memory from “back in the day” (preferably one that doesn’t involve a hospital)
This way, when your brain tries to default to “Let me tell you about my cholesterol,” you can gently redirect it to, “You won’t believe what happened at the hardware store.”
4. Ask better questions
One of the simplest ways to avoid talking about your ailments is to get genuinely interested in someone else’s life.
Not the lazy, “How’s everything?” but something more specific:
“What’s been the highlight of your week?”
“Have you picked up anything new lately – hobby, habit, obsession?”
“What’s the most fun thing you’ve done this month?”
When you ask engaging questions, people respond with engaging answers, and suddenly the conversation becomes a two-way street instead of a medical monologue.
5. Embrace the absurdity of aging
Aging is inherently ridiculous. Glasses on your head while you search for your glasses. Walking into a room and forgetting why. Making a noise every time you stand up, like an old wooden chair.
Lean into that humor.
Humor transforms shared experience into shared joy. It says, “Yes, this is happening, but isn’t it kind of funny?”
6. Diversify your identity
If your primary self-description becomes “a collection of ailments,” it’s only natural that your conversations will follow suit.
So, add some new chapters:
• Learn something (even casually)
• Volunteer
• Start a small project
• Revisit an old passion
When your life contains variety, your conversations will too. You’ll have more to say than, “My hip is acting up again.”
7. Set a friendly accountability trap
If you have a spouse, friend, or trusted companion, give them permission to gently steer you off course when you drift into Medical Update Mode.
A subtle cue – like a raised eyebrow or a code word (“weather report!”) – can remind you to pivot without embarrassment.
It’s not about silencing you. It’s about helping you stay engaging.
8. Remember why people are there
People gather for connection, laughter, and shared experience, not a detailed breakdown of your latest test results (unless they specifically asked, and even then, proceed with caution).
Your stories, your humor, your perspective – those are the things people actually want. The aches and pains? They’re just background noise.
9. Save it for the right audience
There is a place for discussing health concerns: with doctors, close family, and trusted friends who genuinely want (and are prepared) to hear the details.
Not every conversation needs to carry that weight. Think of it as audience-appropriate content. You wouldn’t give a financial presentation at a birthday party; similarly, you don’t need to deliver a medical briefing at brunch.
10. End on a high note
If you do mention something physical, try to land somewhere positive or forward-looking.
“I’ve been dealing with some shoulder issues, but I’ve started physical therapy, and I’m determined to get back to golfing terribly by summer.”
Optimism is contagious. It reassures people that while life has its creaks and groans, it also has momentum.
What do you ask to start a lively conversation?
I look forward to hearing from you! Please email me at SDubin@PRWorkZone.com.
Steven V. Dubin is the founder of PR Works, a lightly used Public Relations firm based in Plymouth, MA, which helps small to mid-sized nonprofit organizations and for-profit companies navigate the overwhelming options of advertising. Steve lives in Plymouth with his wife, Wendy. He is a contributing author to “Get Slightly Famous” and “Tricks of the Trade,” the complete guide to succeeding in the advice business. He recently authored “PR 101,” an E-book.
